Dear Regina,

What do you think of women not getting married, settling down, having babies and raising a family? This young generation seems to enjoy travelling and getting educated. What about the children? Pretty soon there won’t be any need for that baby store downtown if there aren’t any babies! Save the babies!

Sandy on Southwest

Dear Sandy,

If there aren’t any babies, then my Facebook news feed would actually be interesting, dinners wouldn’t get ruined and the world would have fewer stretch marks. Can’t we make them in test tubes by now, anyway? Besides, when I go on zip lining adventures in jungles around the world, I hate when there’s a baby crying about turbulence – I can never get quite enough of those little alcohol bottles to drown that out…

Dear Regina,

I can’t seem to connect with my students. They’re always on their phones Snapchatting, Tindering, sexting and Book Facing. They barely pay attention to the lectures! I’ll be surprised if any of them pass, let alone graduate and become contributing members of society. How do I reach these kiiiiiiids?

Professor Edward in Engineering

Dear Prof,

Have you tried making your own app and using it to teach? Mass texting your students instead of using email? Throw something out on Yik Yak, just don’t try Tinder when your students are in your dating pool. That and, well, we all drink, so don’t forget to avoid sending anything… inappropriate.

Dear Regina,

I’m about to graduate, and I don’t have a job lined up. I’m stuck at the last minute trying to decide whether to stay in Platteville this summer and keep my job at Kmart, but I just don’t know! What advice can you give a graduating senior?

Alumnus on Alpine

Dear alum,

What are the other alternatives? Let me guess, there’s only one and it’s “move back in with mom and dad until I find a job.” Well, guess what, that will be never. You’ll have to suffer through grad school to get a better job or continue working at Kmart for the next decade and a half, so choose wisely now. Your best bet is to pretend you’re a few years younger than you are, stay in town and party with the college crowd until you get too many wrinkles or your beer gut makes you look like Randy from Trailer Park Boys.