The university has hired its first Ring Master. After an international search and consulting with consultants, this new, desperately needed position will be filled by Bozo the Clown.

Chancellor-Lord Shields, in his first on-campus appearance since the May Commencement, announced the big newz. The Chancellor-Lord said, “Bozo is kinda white but he’s all right.  He’ll increase the diversity around here. And he’s not a creepy clown so R-E-L-A-X.”

Chancellor-Lord Shields continued, “Right now, we have plenty of faux clowns running the show. The short list includes The Exam Center, Multimedia Services, Undergraduate Classes Commission, Advanced Writing Classes Committee, Friending Association, Office of Financial Screwed Over, SAFUC, Facebook Lady, Victuals Services, and of course, Vice Chancellor Pioneer Pete. I know I’m forgetting several, but nobody cares.”

As usual, Shields had more to say, “As we continue to spew students through the university like so much gutter water, ol’ Bowz will help us achieve our goal of being run more like a business, like General Motors.”

Bozo was introduced during a press conference under the Ullsvik Big Top.

Bozo said, “For my first move, I’m gonna track down Larry, Moe, Curly, Laurel, Hardy, Abbot, Costello, Martin, Lewis and Miley Cyrus. In order to actually accomplish something, I’ll need a pile of associates and assistants to make this circus click, the kind of resources that make a great teaching oriented university gooder.”

Bozo will report directly to the University Board of Rejects in Baraboo.

Chancellor-Lord Shields shared his inspiration for this latest move. “I love TSI. It’s saved this institution’s asterisk. Pimping for friends isn’t original; therefore, I felt this strong urge to step up to the plate and kick the winning basket with my own genius original idea. Lawyers are automatically geniuses in everything, dontcha know.”

In a related development, Governor Snot Wanker announced that he was cranking out a new campaign ad to reflect this astonishing job growth. Funding for the $1 billion commercial is coming from the Clown Union.

“Just because I never graduated from college,” said Wanker, “doesn’t mean I’m a complete idiot, just an opportunist. I love the UW-System. I really do. Forward, b*tches.”

After releasing this statement to The Antagonist, it was reported that Wanker’s pants spontaneously combusted.