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The student news site of University of Wisconsin-Platteville.

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The student news site of University of Wisconsin-Platteville.

Exponent

The student news site of University of Wisconsin-Platteville.

Exponent

Bullspit Sports Shorts

Baseball team offering classes in keeping yourself entertained

The University of Wisconsin-Platteville baseball team knows that life can get boring.  In their experience as practitioners of America’s pastime, the members of the Pioneer baseball squad often find themselves in situations in which they need to entertain themselves – long bus trips, in between innings, sitting on the bench, etc.  The Pioneers are looking to extend their knowledge to others by offering classes in how to un-bore yourself.  The class will highlight crotch-grabbing, chewing tobacco and throwing a ball to yourself in the air.

Cross to forgo senior year for NBA

After winning the WIAC Player of the Year, Pioneer junior center Chas Cross has decided to skip his senior season at University of Wisconsin-Platteville and take his talents to the NBA.  While no teams have expressed interest in a NCAA Division III white center, Cross’ agent said, “Screw it. Let’s give it a shot.”

 

‘Human Frogger’ awaiting NCAA approval 

Students at the University of Wisconsin-Platteville have petitioned the NCAA to formally recognize walking out into the street in front of oncoming traffic as a collegiate sport.  Players receive 10 points for getting hit outside of a crosswalk by a car and 20 by an SUV.  Players automatically win for being hit by a car or SUV walking in a crosswalk, as well as free tuition to their university via the subsequent lawsuit.  The NCAA’s decision is expected Friday.

 

Tournament not enough, NCAA President wants fights

As the NCAA’s men’s basketball championship tournament wraps up this weekend, embattled NCAA President Mark Emmert has expressed displeasure with how a champion is decided.

“All these guys do is play basketball for like, three weeks,” Emmert said.  “This shit gets old after a while.  Why not like, have one guy from each team fight and the winner moves on, like that ultimate fighting stuff. Yeah, that’d be cool.”

When told that having basketball players fight made no sense, Emmert scoffed and said, “Don’t be such a pussy.”

 

Pool sharks gambling ring at Greenwood 

The billiards tables at the Greenwood Avenue Market have been the home to a large gambling organization since 2010.  The students behind the organization would throw their first game against a challenger, and then pose a bet in a rematch, in which they would win.  Investigators finally found this out when they realized only three people really play pool at GWAM.

 

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Bullspit Sports Shorts