Faculty Senate delays availability of legally open records, tells Exponent to stick it.

The Senate has postponed releasing an audio record of the most boring Senate meeting in history, to the Exponent, despite the wording of the law.  The recording was requested by the Exponent to add a bit of pizzazz to the paper’s website.

“We have our own law here, and I really do not see how Wisconsin law applies to Faculty Senate,” said Senate Chair Laura Anderson.  “What is the Exponent going to do?  Sue me?  Tell them to go bother the governor or something.”

By definition Faculty Senate is a recognized governing body and all of the records pertaining to the Senate’s boring meetings are open record.

According to the Wisconsin Attorney General’s Open Record Compliance Guide any Governmental body” means a state or local agency, board, commission, committee, council, department or public body corporate and politic created by constitution, statute, ordinance, rule or order.

An Exponent reporter approached Senate member Doyle St. John, who is rumored to be one of the friendlier members of the Senate.  St. John chuckled at the reporter and brushed the reporter off.

“Sucks to suck,” St. John said as he sauntered away.

University of Wisconsin systems attorney Paige Reed was infuriated by the audacity of the Exponent staff in making the request for the recording.

“Who do you think you are?  You are a student newspaper and it is about damn time you realize your place,” Reed said.  “It’s not like your real journalists or anything.”

In response to a call to the Wisconsin Department of Justice requesting general information on open record laws, Communications Officer Dana Brueck said, “The Department of Justice already knows all about you meddling kids.  You’d back off now if you knew what was good for you.”

Public records officer Paul Erickson, who had already been contacted by Reed and the Attorney General’s office, was visibly shaken and looked on the verge of wetting his pants.

“Please just leave me out of it, I have a family, you don’t know how dangerous these Senate folks are,” Erickson said.

Erickson recommended the entire staff of the Exponent go on hiatus until the Senate calmed down and moved on to other annoyances, such as the Senate’s plan to kidnap the wife of Governor Walker if his budget excludes money for faculty raises.

“The Exponent really doesn’t understand who they are messing with,” Erickson said.  “I’ve been to some of their closed sessions and seen them beat a Senate member with a wire coat hanger after he voted the wrong way.”

B.J. Reed, who serves at parliamentary advisor for Faculty Senate declined to comment on the legal aspect of the situation, but said from what she understood of the law the audio recording is a public record.

“If the Senate asked my advice, my recommendation would be to release the record, but they are vigilante hard-asses and never ask for advice.” Reed said.  “Do yourselves a favor and forget you ever heard of Faculty Senate.”

All attempts to reach Faculty Senate chair Laura Anderson by phone were ignored and one Exponent reporter was taken to the hospital with multiple facial injuries after knocking on Anderson’s office door for a statement.