Consider this, you are trekking along on your beloved Specialized, feeling the wind in your dreads, high off of the notion that you are saving the environment from the horrible emissions of your rusted-out boat of a ‘97 Oldsmobile, Betsy.

Suddenly as you zip by boat shoe toting coeds, you remember that you are not the child of Gaea, ecologically commuting to his upper level philosophy class, but rather a horrible greenhouse gas emitting crucible of earthly destruction that deserves to be taxed.

That is the opinion of Washington lawmaker Rep. Ed Orcutt (R-Kalama) who wants to tax that which is most precious to your homemade, hemp sandal wearing lifestyle, your bike.

In a letter to a bike shop, Rep. Orcutt reasoned that, “A cyclist has an accelerated heart rate and respiration.  Since C02 is deemed to be a greenhouse gas and a pollutant, bicyclists are actually polluting when they ride.”

The indisputably flawless logic presented by Rep. Orcutt’s letter is exemplified in his proposal for a $25 tax for any bicycle that is sold for over $500.  However, taxation doesn’t stop at two wheeled pedestrian vehicles.  Should the Washington tax prove successful, the maximum 20 percent tax could spread to gyms, sporting events and recreational runners.

Personal taxation could be met with opposition as hippies and health nuts take to the streets proclaiming they are purveyors of mother earth’s goodness and granola.  Should the nation adopt the tax we can expect a tax increase on running shoes and athletic clothing despite state tax laws.

There is good coming from the proposed taxation.  The added revenue will go towards raises in legislator salaries, which in turn, means increased productivity and happier legislators.  Lawmakers expect this logic to be well received by the public.

Representative Gary Alexander (R) said, “I don’t know why the public would oppose such this tax.  Finally, we can stick it to those hippies with hemp necklaces that have taken over our state.  Not to mention we can finally redistribute some of the wealth to those who deserve it.”

As the proposed tax gains momentum in Washington, the nation’s hippies watch with bated breath as they prepare for a tax on their two wheeled brethren.