The University of Wisconsin-Platteville Student Senate has passed a rule requiring all students to have a personal tracking device implanted in their frontal lobe before Saturday, April 20.

The device known as the P-Chip will record what the student sees and hears, along with his or her location. This information is then sent to the appointed Senate members for monitoring.

Beginning April 2, students are to report to Student Health Services to get their chips implanted.

“We are trying to make UW-Platteville a better place for students,” Student Senate vice-president Jordan Miller said.  “With the P-Chip, we can make sure students are studying and not acting in a nefarious manner.”

The P-Chip was developed by Computer Engineering students at UW-Platteville over the past two years. Senate member Kevin Statz explained the unlikely source behind the idea of the P-Chip.

“We actually came up with (the P-Chip) while we were watching an episode of ‘Futurama,’” Statz said. “You know, the one with the eyePhone. We figured if it worked for Momcorp, it can work for us.”

In the episode, the evil company Momcorp releases a phone that is implanted behind the eye of the user. The eyePhone then records everything the user says or hears.

Some students on the UW-Platteville campus question the legality of the P-Chip and said they wonder if it infringes on their rights.  However, Senate members argue that the P-Chip is well within the law and is necessary for the safety of students.

“This chip will in no way encroach on the Second Amendment rights of students,” Senate president William Kuehni said. “In fact, I’m surprised anyone would even doubt our intentions with this. Everyone knows that we only want what is best for the university. That’s why the students elected us as their leaders.”

Kuehni said that he hopes the P-Chip will help curb issues like cheating, drinking, jay walking and smoking in designated non-smoking areas.  Miller and Kuehni also said the Senate plans to use the chip to bring a stop to websites and other media that may reflect poorly on UW-Platteville and the Student Senate.

“We strongly suggest that students receive their P-Chip implant as soon as possible,” Kuehni said. “Especially the Exponent…and other student-run organizations.”

Once the chips are in place in every student, Senate members will take action to remove all Facebook pages that do not adhere to their standards.

When asked his main goal for the P-Chip, Kuehni replied:

“I will get the Batman.”