Starting April 13, Health Services will distribute Adderall to the student population in order to counteract the proposed budget cuts.
With the end of the semester in sight, students will be lining up to receive their daily fix of the stimulant drug at the reasonable price of $5 for 20mg of instant release Adderall. Students also have the option of purchasing a variety pack, which contains two Adderall, two Vyvanse and two Concerta, all 20mg for only $25.
“The variety pack is my personal favorite and is guaranteed to supply students with enough pills to get them through their stressful week,” Medical Director of Student Health Services Todd Riley said. “We are doing both the students and the university a service by selling drugs.”
The purpose of this new strategy is to make enough money from the students to make up for the budget cuts happening all across campus, but has some students in a bind.
“Selling Adderall is basically how I am paying my way through school,” sophomore mechanical engineer Oscar Meyers said. “The majority of my cliental are students and friends and I’m scared my business is going to decline once all of this starts.”
Another concern arises from the Department of Residence Life who believe that the consumption of Adderall and other stimulant drugs will have a negative effect on their ability to manage their staff.
“We believe that our resident assistants who partake in drug-consuming activities are incapable of serving as effective role models for students,” assistant Director of Residence Life Robin Gore said. “We frown upon our employees acting in any way that shows they are normal human beings, and that includes making mistakes, which we feel this is.”
On the opposite spectrum, many seem to be all for this new business strategy, including professors.
“I think it’s a great idea,” media studies professor Rob Snyder said. “I bet I will see more students taking notes in my class instead of messing around on their cellular phones and lap-toppies. I might even get in line for some.”
As an incentive to aid in student participation, coupons will be handed out at the information desk in the Student Center for $5 off the first purchase of a variety pack. The distribution will begin at 7:45 a.m. but Health Services encourage students to line up earlier.