Elizabeth Kaiser graphic
According to the collective geniuses who run this place, the future of agriculture rests in bovines. The State of Wisconsin is giving this future-oriented institution a gahbillion dollars to establish the [email protected] Dairy Innovation Central Hub (DICH).
BIMBO College Dean Whine Weasel says, “Hemp is stupid. Cowz have always been, and will always be, the rock foundation of agriculture in Wisconsin.”
Weasel wailed, “Never mind that,”
• Wisconsin leads the nation in dairy farm foreclosures
• Consumption of milk has declined 37% over the last 50 years
• The “Dairy Farmer of the Year” is from California and has a herd of over 3,000
• The Trump Administration sez ‘Grow big or get out’
• Milk processors put banned crap, like carrageenan, into most milk products
• Too many students in the Ag School have never lived on a farm
• Almond milk is not milk
• The bee population is collapsing
• Hemp is not the future, or maybe it is
• Plain yogurt tastes terrible
• Global warming is Fake Newz and cowz have nothing to do wit dat
“We are going to single-handedly save the cowz!” wooted Weasel.
When asked by your neighborhood friendly Antagonist reporter what sorta innovations from the DICH might milk chuggers look forward to, the head of [email protected] Ag School Dictator Elsie Borden said “We’re already working on combining two of Wisconsin’s bestest products. Beer-infused cheese curds and cheese curd-infused beer are just around the corner. Oh cha, and beer-infused ice cream is coming to a Quick Trippy near you. But don’t eat it and drive.”
The DICH will be located on the grounds of the forever sustainable [email protected] Farm. The university has already posted job openings for taste testers on its user-friendly website. Go to the A-Z Index and look under “C” for “cowz.” Included in the state money are funds to repair the busted cow showers that never worked any way.