In an unsurprising turn of events, the HatecrimeJugen (HJ) has opened a new chapter on the UW-Platteville campus. The HJ seeks to aid and prepare young, impressionable students for a successful future in these politically divisive times. The organization has seen a nationwide resurgence in the previous year, with now over 40 campuses across the nation opening their own chapters.
The HJ advertises “group training exercises” with such topics like Tear Gassing 101, Counterprotesting, Anti-Riot Procedures and an annual beanbag tournament. The HJ also provides educational opportunities about the “ideal” college student, as well as vague mentions of an ‘uberstudentmench.’
A group chat full of Platteville HJ members has recently been under fire due to a leak exposing hateful statements and plans. One such leak has exposed a plan to coordinate a ‘roman salute’ at the upcoming graduation. Another was plans for an event to wear jorts around campus to display ‘what good jeans look like.’ Numerous AI-Generated videos of HJ students driving tanks and fighter jets over what is clearly crying, blue-haired liberals have also been released.
Those interested in joining a fascist movement can meet in the woods outside Pickard Hall, as it’s the only place protestors won’t chase out the HJ. Their next meeting is November 31st, where they will be building a new tabling sign asking students if they believe in the righteousness of no-knock warrants.
Students in the HJ have formed a more militant-style splinter group called the JRICE. JRICE members devote more time to racial profiling and driving unmarked vehicles around campus. Select interested students may be entered into a drawing for an all-expenses paid trip to El Salvador, courtesy of their SUFAC funds.
The HJ is currently trying to make a PioneerLink page, but the hate speech sensors keep disabling their page for some reason. To reach out, message @Platteville_HJ on Truth Social.