Four weeks have passed since the government shutdown began on Oct. 1, with no sign of it ending any time soon. This has caused many people in the travel space to become increasingly concerned about air travel safety, due to the fact that air traffic control workers are paid by the federal government.
Fortunately, on Oct. 27 lead air safety and airplane manufacturing company Boeing announced a new model of plane to help combat this issue.
The AirControl 420, the latest from the beloved plane design company, features many iconic features you would expect from a Boeing plane: Sturdy-enough doors, enough engines probably, and two wings. What makes this plane special, however, is the large air control tower built into the top of the plane.
The control tower, reaching a measly 3 stories from atop the plane, will be manned by 3-4 Boeing-certified Air Traffic Control Specialists, who will take over for the ground control towers when taking off and landing. One of these new Boeing hires, Aaron Airin, told Antagonist, “The guys on the ground just can’t see what we’re seeing up there. It has never made sense to let people on the ground dictate what happens in the air and now I get to fix that.”
When speaking with the press, Boeing CEO Kelly Ortberg stated, “I’ve long felt that planes look way too cool. They have a sleek, aerodynamic design, and huge wings that make them look like birds of the future. I have also felt that we should privatize air control. We already make the world’s most secure, trustworthy, and dependable planes that are on the market, so why can’t we control where the planes fly? This new plane fixes both of these issues.”
Lead engineer Al Marican for the AirControl 420, who was brought on stage after Ortberg stated, “I don’t know how it flies, I don’t know. It makes no sense but we built it and it works. That’s Boeing baby”
Public reactions to the plane have been mixed. One X user, @getrailed, posted, “It’s fun to see planes finally catch up with trains! Now they both can have smokestacks!” Another user, @NATCA, commented, “Oh dear god, please be a joke, you’ve got to be kidding me, I literally am not getting paid for this, oh dear god, oh gracious god, an ounce of mercy”
The U.S. government, on the other hand, seems largely indifferent to the announcement. An anonymous insider at the White House stated that the official position of the President on the matter is that “Pilots should know where they can’t fly and how to land a plane, so I don’t see what the big deal is.”
Meanwhile, no senator has yet to comment on the new arrangement in air safety. However, when asked about the matter, Speaker Mike Johnson was quoted as saying, “As long as I don’t have to call the House together, I could not care less. If it does evolve into a matter that requires the House of Representatives, we will not be dealing with it.”