Sept. 26
The Exponent office left production night suspiciously early last night. Emergency services did not have to report to the premise to escort people out of Warner Hall for remaining too late.

Oct. 5
Reports of meowing came from the Chief Copy Editor’s backpack during production night. The Social Media Manager then proceeded to call the police on the Chief Copy Editor for stealing their cat.

After an anonymous vote, the Chief Graphics Editor is banned from drawing graphics in 3D, due to an “uncomfy” vibe.

Oct. 10
The Chief Layout Editor had been reportedly talking to his girlfriend of multiple years in front of the Student Center before departing for class. Emergency services told the Chief Copy Editor this is not a reportable offense and the Chief Copy Editor was arrested for calling the police for nothing.

Oct. 17
Medical services were called to the Exponent office after the intern had fallen asleep in the break room. Nothing seemed off until the intern had been reportedly screaming “No more writing … please” while “air-typing.”

Oct. 23
Editor-in-Chief came to the office with multiple comics by the Managing Editor laying on her desk. The Managing Editor waited eagerly for the Editor-in-Chief to approve them for the next weeks issue. Shortly after, EMS were called to the office after the Editor-in-Chief passed out when reading the Managing Editor’s comic about Sigmund Freud.

There have been reports filed with the police department about two missing people from the Exponent; if found, the Exponent will pay $10,000 for each person. Chip Cordon and Howie Doowin have been missing since the end of spring ’23; if there are any sightings of either one, please call the Exponent office.