The city of Platteville finds itself at the center of a legal storm as hundreds of Platteville students have joined forces to sue local officials, alleging that the city’s water supply is dangerously substandard, failing to meet FDA safety standards. The catalyst for the legal action was a series of hospitalizations among students who consumed unfiltered Platteville water.
Over the past week, numerous students at UW-Platteville experienced adverse health effects after drinking tap water from the city’s supply. Reports of symptoms, including nausea, vomiting and gastrointestinal distress, raising alarm among the student body and prompting an immediate investigation into the water quality.
These fearless students quickly realized that the water coming out of their taps was not the elixir of life they once believed it to be. Instead, it was the elixir of sickness, death and a few mysterious chemicals that don’t meet FDA standards. The water situation has gotten so bad that the local fish have raised their support for the Platteville students.
Platteville students’ lawyer, Anita Popoff, expressed the collective concerns of the student body during a press conference outside Ullsvik Hall. “We’re not willing to compromise on our health and safety,” she stated, adding, “It’s our right to have access to clean and safe drinking water.”
The lawsuit, filed in Grant County Court, is a class-action lawsuit representing the affected students. The plaintiffs claim that the city officials are responsible for failing to provide safe drinking water, and they are seeking accountability and compensation for medical bills and suffering endured due to the contaminated water.
Local businesses have begun capitalizing off the lawsuit by selling their own water called “Not Platteville Water.”
The city of Platteville’s lawyer, Jack Hammer, found himself in hot water after defending the city’s horrific negligence by stating that “The water is just Platteville’s way of giving residents a daily surprise. Who needs plain tap water when you can play tap water roulette instead?”
Hammer’s statements have not quenched the students’ thirst for justice. Platteville students might not have law degrees (yet), but they have got something even more powerful – access to TikTok. The student body took to social media, creating catchy water-themed jingles and hilarious skits to galvanize support for their cause all under the tag “PlattevilleWatergate.”
In a recent vital TikTok video, a student dressed as a “Platteville Water Inspector” can be seen dancing dramatically underneath a shower head while the black gelatinous water rains down over him.
To placate the angered masses, Platteville officials promised to investigate the water quality and make necessary improvements. The students, smelling something fishy, demanded that an unbiased third-party agency be called in to assess the situation. In the meantime, Platteville residents plan to stick to bottled water.
