Members of the Antagonist were mysteriously found dead in their office, 039 Pioneer Tower, on Oct. 29. After a thorough investigation by campus and Grant County authorities, the cause of death was ruled as asbestosis, a non-malignant lung disease caused by exposure to asbestos.
The deceased were identified as Warren Peace, 21, Iz Person, 22, Cornstarch McCarthy, 21, and Barry Biggs, 20.
According to an anonymous inside source, the room next to the Antagonist’s office is filled with unsafe levels of asbestos, so much so that the temperature in the room must be kept at a chilly 40 degrees Fahrenheit to prevent further spread. Unfortunately, the Antagonist shares a wall with this office.
Prior to “the Incident,” members of the Antagonist were seen hammering nails into the shared wall in an attempt to “spruce the place up a bit.” According to eyewitness accounts, Idiot-in-Chief Warren Peace nailed new shelves into the shared wall because “we need more room to display our Wisconsin Newspaper Association awards.” He was previously told to not nail anything into the wall as to prevent asbestos exposure.
“We didn’t even wanna move into this office,” said Chief Graphics Editor Cherry Lemon, who worked from home the night of the incident. Long-time fans of the Antagonist may remember that the student newspaper recently moved to Pioneer Tower much to the dismay of the staff. “We had the opportunity to move into Otts and this is what we’re given? A room full of asbestos?”
A memorial is scheduled to take place at 4 p.m. on Thursday, Oct. 31 in 428 Warner Hall. All entrances to Warner Hall are locked, however, so many friends and family of the Antagonist staff have been wondering how to get into the event.
The Universities of Wisconsin-Platteville has declined to comment on this tragedy. Families of the Antagonist staff will receive one (1) Pioneer Pete Squishmallow as compensation.
