Feb. 4

Social Media Manager only sneezes once. Mass panic ensues.

The Antagonist staff had to be hospitalized after all of their tongues turned blue from eating expired Walmart cupcakes.

Feb. 25

Campus police were called to help the Idiot-in-Chief after he accidentally locked himself in a bathroom stall in Pioneer Tower.

Chief Graphics Editor, Assistant Graphics Editor, Managing Editor and Chief Layout Editor discuss eating Chief Copy Editor’s son when Chief Copy Editor left for dinner.

March 4

The entirety of the Antagonist staff debated the morality of keeping a hate group in their word search.

The Antagonist office got into a fist fight over whether or not they were going to officially endorse vaping.

March 7

The Antagonist staff attended a newspaper conference and were viciously attacked by a waiter who dropped a glass of iced tea on the Idiot-in-Chief Emeritus. The Antagonist staff is suing.

The Chief Copy Editor, Social Media Manager and Idiot-in-Chief got lost. Drones were sent out to relocate them.

March 11

A search party was sent out to find the Antagonist’s Money Maker. She has not been seen in months. Our financial situation is dire.

The Managing Editor and Chief Layout Editor played against each other in chess and had to be physically restrained by the Assistant Graphics Editor and Idiot-in-Chief.

Eventually…

The Managing Editor will kill the Idiot-in-Chief for eating too loudly… it’s only a matter of time…