Several witnesses observed loud and obnoxious noise coming from the Pioneer Crossing of the Markee Pioneer Student Center at 11 p.m. Saturday Oct. 27.

The incident occurred on a night when much of the University of Wisconsin-Platteville student body was celebrating the annual Halloween festivities of females dressing up in ridiculously slutty outfits and males dressing in an absurdly foolish outfits, looking to consume so much alcohol that one might black out.

Amidst the numerous parties and the belligerent behavior occurring on Second Street, there was a party like no other occurring right in the middle of campus, and only the staff of the Pioneer Student Center knew about it.

One student, Daniel Gleesack, was returning from his friend’s house around 11:30 pm that Saturday night when he happened to hear the ruckus occurring in the basement of the MPSC.

“I looked through the clear windows toward the food area and the first thing I saw were those three older lunch ladies, all on top of their specific check out registers, dancing to the music of what sounded like “Don’t Drop That Thun Thun” by Finnaticz. As I continued to watch I saw the guy that always works at the Asian Wok dressed up as Slug from The Goonies, and he was spraying what looked like champagne all over that big janitor guy I always see changing the toilet paper rolls,” Gleesack said.

After asking several other staff members about the occurrence the next day, it seemed that nearly all of them were sworn to secrecy about the situation.

One suspect, a lunch lady who was seen dancing on a register, was identified. The woman spoke to The Antagonist on the condition of anonymity.

“Hell yeah, that was us raging like it was 1985. My two colleagues and I throw the meanest, most reckless Halloween parties every year. Sometimes you just have to show these pussy college kids how to really party and I’m glad to say that I don’t remember shit from that night and that’s when you know you had fun. Peace out, bitches.”

The police turn a blind eye towards the matter every year and what goes on in Pioneer Crossing every Halloween is something that will always keep these lunch ladies “young, wild and free.”