Fool me once, card on you, fool me twice, card on me.
Aries (March 21 – April 19) Red Card:
Leave.
Tortoise (April 20 –May 20) Ten of Pentacles:
The Ten of Pentacles appears to show you that you have reached completion in your journey. Maybe that means you have finished your lifelong goals. Maybe that means you and your friends successfully made it to Taco Bell at 2 a.m.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20) King of Swords:
The King of Swords, the King of Swords … yes, I remember the King of Swords. He was a noble man, a man of great righteousness and a strong sense of justice. His reign brought great peace to our kingdom, and we were happy for a while. Oh, yes, the reading. I don’t know what the card means.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Four of Winds:
Ah, yes, the wisdom of the Four of Winds is with you today. You will feel a strong gust of wind today, and at that moment, you will gain complete insight to your life. You will know the fate of all those in your life, of all your dreams and aspirations, and everything for which you have given even a blink of your attention. You will know all. Prepare yourself.
Leo (July 23 – August 22) Handmade 47-year-old Birthday Card:
Oh, very lovely. My nephew Jason made this for me months ago, I don’t know how that made it into my card stack!
Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Six of Pentacles:
I once heard that this card means financial harmony. Good on you. I got 23 bucks in the bank and a freezer full of crispy dino chicken nuggets. You and I are not the same.
Libra (September 23 – October 22) Ace of Cups:
The Ace of Cups signifies the overwhelming presence of love and compassion. That’s pretty cute if you ask me.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) King of Swords:
That’s lame. You got the same card as for what I pulled for Gemini. You ask if I shuffled? Of course I shuffled. No, I did not forget to shuffle the King of Swords back into the deck. No, I did not purposefully do that to save time and energy.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Etsy Gift card:
Why do I seem to find useful stuff in my readings for other people but never for myself? Go, just go, take the gift card and spend it on some soap or stickers or something. I’ll be fine. I’m over it.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) Eight of Swords:
Oh, gosh. The Eight of Swords means, in some way, restriction or restraint – imposed by yourself or by an external force. Kind of dark, if I do say so myself. How about I open a window for some fresh air? Yikes.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18) Spare Notecard:
This is very simple, very easy, very nice, very helpful. It’s a spare notecard. Lao Tzu said it best, “a bowl is most useful when it is empty.”
Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Reversed Nine of Pentacles:
Oh, buddy, you gotta listen up to me. The Nine of Pentacles in the reversed position means that you ought to evaluate your self-worth. You are more than a homework source for that one classmate who only talks to you when they need help. Been there, done that, time to realize that you’re worth more.
Tarot Deck: [/cardsname]