I’m back! Due to popular demand and the one email that I have received, which, come to think of it, was probably spam, I’m giving another zodiac reading for December. Also, I sent $10 in to the Fortune Tellers of America and now I am certified to give this reading.

Crab (June 21-July 22): Stop crying so much. Please otherwise join the crying club that meets every Wednesday on campus.

Taurus (April 20-May 20): Get all the foods you have been craving and make a food circle, then sit in the middle of it. Then eat it all.

Aquarius (January 21- February 18): Show some more love (I just read that Aquarius are heartless). Maybe just some emotion would do you some good.

Scorpio (October 23- November 21): Just let it go. No need to take “measures in your own hands.” Just let it go. 

Geminississippi (May 21- June 20): Well, well, well no wonder your symbol is twins. I feel you are a bit two-faced, which is a bit negative. 

Pisces (February 19- March 20): I heard you people are super sweet. What are you hiding?

Sagittarius (November 22- December 21): I heard you guys can be mean. Personally, that vibe is not really vibing for me. 

Aries (March 21- April 19): Settle down. Please, you are scaring the children. 

Cornucopia (December 22- January 20): You like to sneak around, right? Please stop. No one wants to be friends with someone who is shady.

Virgo (August 23- September 22): Not everything can be clean. Leave it alone, you have cleaned that table three times already.

Zebra (September 23- October 22): Maybe stay in tonight, I have a feeling you do not have that much money in your wallet. No more shopping is for your own good. 

Leo (July 23- August 22): Step down from your pedestal, please. It’s all right, you can come down now.