Ahoy there mateys!
I’m the local Pirate representative here at UW-Platteville.
Arrr ye drownin’ in student debt? Feelin’ lost like a ship in the Bermuda Triangle? Wantin’ to set yerself apart from yer mateys and become an influential pirate in the high seas?
Here be some quick information that could help ye reach yer goals:
• Ye can enlist in the crew and complete yer current term o’ learnin’ afore embarkin’ on yer basic training. We’ll even fork over the doubloons for this year’s learnin’ afore ye set foot on the training grounds. That’s a chest full o’ loot sent straight to ye, coverin’ 100% o’ yer tuition!
• Ye’ll gain precious skills in leadership, and a chance at internships that’ll make ye a cutlass above yer mates upon graduation, mark me words!
• Once ye finish yer training, ye’ll be pocketin’ a monthly purse o’ $466 while ye study, on top o’ havin’ yer tuition entirely covered. And if ye’ve got any grants, ye’ll be keepin’ the extra booty.
• All this for just a spot o’ part-time work!
• The pirate’s crew be on the lookout for captains! Dive deeper into what it takes to become a captain for the crew!
• Dreadin’ payin’ out-of-state tuition? Ask me how the crew can hoist yer tuition to in-state rates and cover 100% o’ the costs!
Ye have the chance to get THIS SEMESTER’S BOOTY in yer pocket! If ye be keen on this venture, send me a message via parrot mail or a scroll and we’ll arrange a quick 5-minute parley to chat about yer ambitions! Arrr!
Say goodbye to yer student debt and hello to an adventure on the high seas! The intel I possess be as free as the wind, and knowledge be the treasure map to power. Thank ye kindly for sharin’ yer precious moments with me, matey!
