The following is a transcript of a recording by one of our writers who was hammered while on the interstate.
Ok, so, I think it’s about time, um, that we have a discussion on um… Um… Big Pharma? Big- Big Pharma? Yeah. We’re going to talk about Big Pharma. Um, so, uh let’s talk about like, Epi-Pens? Oh God! So, Epi-Pens, right? So, if I get stung by a wasp, and, those things, they’ll sting you like four or five times, right? And if I get stung, you know, I might die. But that’s what Epi-Pens are for! Uh, but oh! They’re so much money! I don’t remember how much, but it’s pretty- it’s like- it’s like close to 100, I think? I don’t know, it’s a lot though for those things, and, oh. Oh, like, if you store them too hot, they spoil, store them too cold, they spoil. So, if one day I get stung by a wasp, and I go back in my room, and because I have no AC in these lecture halls, I guess I’m just gonna die! Oh well! Oh my god, is that lightning? I think that was lightning. Ok. Um, but yeah there’s that, they cost a lot! Kinda ridiculous. Oh, and insulin, don’t get me started on insulin! That’s like, yeah, you can’t- people with diabetes need this to live. So, we’re gonna charge like $200. Like that stuff probably costs like $10 to make max? But oh, they need that money! Off of uh, poor working people! Oh. Oh my god? So, there’s a dead bird on the road. Poor thing! Like that’s just- oh there’s more! Oh! And they’re like, all crows? Corvids? Oh, there’s like, eight of them! There’s like eight of them! What? Isn’t this supposed to be like a bad sign? Isn’t this supposed to be like a thing that you see before like, uh, the rapture or something? Or the apocalypse? I don’t- something. I don’t know? I don’t like that. That’s not good. [Yawn] Oh it’s raining. Huh. Well, I kinda forgot what I was talking about. You know what really irks me? You know what really irks me? Um, AI. Uh, AI. But not like, AI, y’know? Not like, video game characters? No, I mean like, the the ChatGDPs? You just put a prompt in there, and it’s like, what’s the point anymore? Why bother writing- oh my god it’s raining so much! I don’t wanna drive home in this! [Yawn] Um, right, AI- oh Big Pharma! That’s what it was! Oh, so, like, I went to Walgreens- oh it’s raining so much! How did this happen? Uh, Big Pharma… I can’t see the road! I literally can’t see the road! How am I supposed to drive in this!? I’m like three glasses of wine in! Oh! Is this punishment? It probably is. Uh, article! Big Pharma! So, I went to Walgreens- is that a case of Twisted Tea on the side of the road? No way! I don’t care about this article anymore; I’m going to grab that tea. I need that, there’s gotta be at least like two cans in there. Uh, this is Cornstarch McCarthy signing off, and I um, I hope this was educational!