Local detective ‘socks’ it to criminal

The chore of doing laundry just became a little less irritating at UW-Platteville after Pioneer Pete was arrested for committing laundry crime in nearly every residence hall on campus


Doing laundry is a chore that no one enjoys doing, especially when you are away at college. What makes this task even worse is the fact that every time you do laundry a sock goes missing. This missing sock haunts you forever. It makes you wonder where it could have gone or who would have taken it. Well, this agonizing aspect of doing laundry is about to be put to rest. A detective has gone on record saying he has found the answer to the missing sock conundrum.

Detective Henry Dryer has dedicated his entire career to solving the mystery of the missing sock. He has interviewed numerous suspects but just last week he finally made an arrest. Dryer has determined that the missing sock culprit is none other than UW-Platteville’s own Pioneer Pete.

After hours of research, Dryer found that with the unlimited access Pete has to nearly every laundry room on campus, Pete has been able to easily sneak in and out without being noticed, or so he thought. Dryer has found one Platteville student, who wishes to remain anonymous, go on the record stating that he saw Pioneer Pete leave his residence hall.

“I was walking down the stairs to the basement, when I noticed something blue in the corner of my eye. As I made my way past the kitchen, I noticed a sliver of a huge blue foot leaving the emergency exit. I knew that it had to be Pioneer Pete. No one else has feet that big,” the anonymous witness said.

With this evidence, Dryer than went to said residence hall where he found physical evidence. He found a piece of felt wedged in the door frame of one of the dryers. This felt was an identical match to that of the felt that is used to construct Pioneer Pete’s pic-ax. With that, Dryer brought Pete in for interrogation. When questioned, Pete confessed.

“Ok fine. I admit it! It was me! I am the one that has been stealing socks from people’s laundry. I thought that no one would notice and I needed the fabric to make myself a winter coat,” Pete said.

With this confession, Platteville students can now continue to do their laundry without having to worry about losing a sock. Detective Dryer has assured that Pete will be punished for his wrong doings, though he does not guarantee that all the stolen socks will be returned.