The Dorm Room horoscopes

Halloween party edition

Huck L. Berry

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Taurus

Your focus and determination ensure that you will consume more food and drink than any of your friends. Asking for backrubs afterwards is optional.

Gemini

As the astral veils thin you at last have enough spirits around to saturate your need for conversation. Be careful though: ghosts DO tell tales!

Cancer

Why hide behind the table when you can bring a covered dish? But be careful of falling in love with that spirit who understands you so perfectly: it will disappear by morning.

Leo

Yes, your costume is inspired, and you light up the room. With your lion-like visage, you’ll be the mane event at every party. Now stop asking.

Virgo

You have both the cleanest and scariest dorm room on your floor. Congratulations! But delay romance and contact with avoidable bodily fluids until All Soul’s Day.

Libra

This week’s endless costuming opportunities means you can easily manipulate all your friends. Yay! And they may never know, unless a gabby Gemini confidant tells them.

Scorpio

Not surprisingly, you find yourself thinking about sex with astral beings. Yes, it’s a novel form of birth control, but keep the rising crop hidden until the guests leave.

Sagittarius

“Sag just wants to have fun” could be your theme song, but flirting with your dorm mate’s siblings—all of them, at the same time!– has repercussions. Dance it off, archer!

Capricorn

People suspect you’re the administration’s spy at every gathering because…you are. And while this may not be subtle, it will get you that campus position you’ve been aiming for.

Aquarius

No, no one wants to hear your theories about quantum ghosts and astral fire even if you know you’re right. Get over it by helping a stranger or adopting stray animals.

Pisces

Yes, the thinning of the veils may show you how real the departed can become, but please stop talking about how the cemetery is filled with “those lucky dead people.” Others find it depresing   

Aries

Put down the chainsaw and acknowledge that the haunted house had their reasons for refusing to employ you. Really, must you always confuse leadership with being a jerk?

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