Instead of waiting like forever for the current circus act to strike its worn-out tent and leave town, the WOOT System Bored of Rejects has picked a new fearless leader. None other than movie star Alicia Silverstoned will be this once great university’s 13th chancellor-in-charge.
“As everybody nose, I’m highly selective,” says the still uber excellent role model Cher, we mean Alicia. “I’m totally down with this. The Bored of Rejects is totally not Clueless. I can’t wait to roll with my new homies”
As the first female chancellor in the 154-year history at this guy-dominated school, Chancellor Silverstoned showed everybody ASAP that she is, in fact, fearless.
Silverstoned made the tough chancellor-in-charge decision that while UW-Platteville is going to keep its ugly school colors, all the sports teams are now going to style hipster uniforms with a plaid foundation. In response to the tweeter storm, Silverstoned said, “That is way harsh. Plaid is back. In fact, it never left. Just go up north.”
“And I’m going to revive the genius ‘Freshman Read.’ Next fall, all the new kids are getting down with ‘Emma.’”
Wait. There’s more.
“I know it’s not even close now, but we are going to be the most diverse university in America. That’s because, despite Trump’s efforts, it still does not say RSVP on the Statue of Liberty. Except maybe not snobs-and-a-half,” said Silverstoned.
“Now if y’all will ‘scuse moi, I’m still young enough to be surfing the crimson wave.”