Car Show Review from a Non-Car Car Person


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This is a review of the winners and honorable mentions from the   UW-Platteville AEC car show that occurred on Oct. 16.

The winner of the classic car category and Best in Show was a 1967 Camaro. It’s a perfect car to drive through the Nevada Desert with aviator sunglasses as you brood about your secret dark past. 7/10 movie cliche.

The winner of the classic truck category was a 1942 Chevy pickup. A yellow oldie truck with whitewall wheels like the ones from “Cars” (2006). It is the star of a small town Hallmark movie. 10/10 perfect for autumn photoshoots or to stargaze while wrapped in blankets and sipping hot chocolate. 

The winner of the new school car was a Dodge Viper. The design of the car actually resembles a snake head. Bonus points for a cool name. It sounds sexy until you hit a pothole. 8/10 came off a ramp at an angle to avoid scraping the front bumper.

The winner of the new school truck was a 2014 Silverado. This is a big truck that is very truck-truck, made for trucking. It also looks like it goes to the gym regularly and probably bullies the other cars in the garage. 2/10 would need a stepstool to hop into the driver’s seat.

The winner of the JDM was a Nissan 370z. Would it be inappropriate to say this car is cute? 8/10 it looks like it would date the Dodge Viper.

The winner of the Euro category was a Porsche 944. It belongs in an 80s coming-of-age film. It goes to frat parties on the weekends. 5/10 flippy headlights.

The winner of the sport bike category was a Suzuki GSX-R 750. It looks sharp enough to cut. 7.5/10 a motorcycle version of the “Yu-gi-oh” hairstyles.

The winner of the cruiser bike category was a Harley Road Glide. 4/10 looks like Bender from “Futurama.”

The winner of the Sh!tbox award was the 1989 Toyota Tercel 4wd. It could feature in “Initial D” (2005) as a rival delivery car from a pizza place. 10/10 would have a synchronized drift routine with the main    character.

Some honorable mentions are:

The matching red and blue Miata. You know it’s a Miata because it’s small, bubbly and the headlights can wink. 7/10 would be casted as twins in a “chick flick.”

A silver car with party lights. 8/10 would be a background character in a “Fast and Furious” drag race scene.

The Mustang named “Crustang” was a very bare-bones car. Its wiring sat in where the glove box should have been. There were multiple straps on the 

seat—not sure if one was the seatbelt or if it needed to be tied like a shoelace. It started up by clicking a row of buttons like an airplane; of course, the start button was a cliche glowing red. 3/10 would not survive a car crash.