1) Know your professor’s relationship status

Before you step up to the plate, know your professor’s relationship status. Remember if he or she doesn’t have a ring on their finger, they are automatically game. If they do have a ring on their finger, figure out if they have a happy marriage or not.  If they do, figure out ways to make it unhappy.

2) Know your university rules for sexual harassment

Study the university’s sexual harassment rules and find loopholes. Most likely it says that professors should not engage in romantic liaisons with students on school grounds. In that case, get a cheap hotel room or rent a U-Haul and park it off campus. Everyone likes a secret forbidden love affair.

3) Go to class

Show that professor that you mean business and attend every one of his or her lectures.  If you have a small lecture class, they will notice that you are gone.  It also gives you the opportunity to flirt with them during class.  Be attentive in their class; a giggle or head nod would help.

4) Dress to impress

Who says you can’t wear your little black dress to class? Smear your face with a ton of make-up. I’m talking about lipstick, foundation, concealer, bronzer, eyeliner, smoky eye shadow, mascara; the whole nine yards. Guys wear a dress shirt and roll up those sleeves! Also, please try to comb that mess that you call hair guys.

5) Visit their office hours

Visiting his or her office hours and talking about an assignment or project gives you an excuse to see them. Give them visible cues that you’re interested in them. Physical touch is a big thing that you can do.

6) Go to department events

By going to your professor’s department events, you are showing them that you care about their work and their department. It also allows you to mingle with them outside of class.

7) Talk to your professor outside of class

Going along with step six, talk to them outside of class. This could be as simple as saying “hi” to them if they are walking by. Try hinting that you are looking for a relationship and that you’re D.T.F.

8) Stalk their social media 

Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Twitter, Tinder, Grindr and Farmers Only. By stalking their social media, you can figure out their likes and interests in life. You will also figure out what their plans are for the weekend.

9) Invite them for drinks and get them shit wasted

Don’t literally get them shit wasted, but do ask them out for drinks. Everyone knows that alcohol lowers your inhibitions. This is an easy way to figure out what they think about you. If they say they like you, go ahead and go for some body contact. However, remember not to get them drunk, you must be able to give/receive consent.

10) Send tasteful nudes

You’re coming to the home stretch and it’s time to give your A game. Try sending your professor tasteful nudes. I’m talking about nudes that look artistic! You want plausible deniability. If someone finds the pictures you could say that you were posing for an artist. By sending your tasteful nudes, you are basically telling your professor that you want something more meaningful and you want them to ask you out.

11) It isn’t stalking if you make them fall in love with you

If they still haven’t asked you out, follow them. Know their schedule. You don’t know when they’re going to hit you up so make sure you are seen on their daily routes everyday!

12) When in doubt, fake a pregnancy

The final step to win your professor is to fake a pregnancy (if they are male). If you did all the steps correctly, you probably have laid spread eagle on their bed at least once. If he hasn’t called or defined the relationship then this is your Hail Mary. This will lock him down 100 percent.