Female students establish a rating system for men

The female student population at the University of Wisconsin-Platteville has established a new rating system for men.

The Society of Women Engineers, as well as female biology, media studies and education majors all gathered to establish the parameters of the male rating scale.

“We looked at several different rating scales as examples. We looked at the female rating scale that men have. It was so simple,” senior professional writing major Mackenzie Morals said.

The women decided to rate the men on major, G.P.A., if they play Frisbee, whether or not they say “suh dude,” if they have a pick-up truck, if they drink Keystone beer, if they call women “females” on an occurring basis and shoe size.

One of the reasons for creating the male rating scale was because Platteville men are below the male standards of anywhere else in the U.S.

“[Anywhere else] in the U.S. men at least try not to be complete douchebags. Everywhere else people can choose the kind of man they want. Really muscular, smart, handsome, kind, and considerate. In Platteville, there’s only ‘John Deer’ fanatics. Obviously we had to skew the rating scale to fit the Platteville population,” senior fanfiction major AirWrecka 2Chanz said.

Since its release, the male Platteville students have been outraged.

“This scale is sexist! It objectifies men by giving them a number! It makes us feel inadequate and we have to live up to an impossible standard,” freshmen undecided major Brian McBrian said.

Many of the male population have shown their disapproval of the rating scale. Many of them believe that they are being compared unfairly to a high and slightly impossible standard. Rumors started circulating that the women were developing a bell curve scale to establish the rating system.

“First of all, it wasn’t a bell curve. It was more of an hour glass. We want our men to have to pecs, slim but ripped stomach and muscular glutes. Like an hourglass! Was that so much to ask,” junior women studies major Thirst Isreal said.

As of this publication, the male rating scale goes as follows: a normal rating of 1-3 is a Platteville 5, a normal rating of 4-5 is a Platteville 7, a rating of 6 is a Platteville 9, a normal rating of 7-8 is a Platteville 10 and a normal rating of a 9 or higher is highly improbable in Platteville and would never happen. #SorryNotSorry