Man loses himself. Finds him again on 2nd Street. Gets Brothers crew neck.

It’s time to boot and rally James Gumb, 2nd street will miss you

P–FIB, [email protected]

As Platteville celebrated its 150th birthday this past weekend, there was another kind of celebration taking place in James Gumb’s life. Following a day of drinking, also known as “day drinking,” Gumb was last seen by his friends sitting on a couch atop a burn pile. A source close to Gumb, A-Aron Prescott stated “He was looking but he wasn’t really looking, you know what I mean, fam?”

Yes, A-Aron, we did. This type of behavior is known as disassociation and is known to frequently overcome young adults ages 17-24 usually during crucial life decisions or in educational settings. But what happened to James after this episode? According to his ATM statement, while his friends enjoyed the Platteville Athletics display of school spirit, James had ventured to his local Jimmy Johns where he received a number 11(no tomato, add the cucumber), and they remembered to give him mustard packets. We are aware of the mustard packets presence because a local law enforcement officer met with Gumb shortly after he exited the restaurant.

“Although Mr. Gumb seemed already in a pleasant mood, upon exiting the store he was observed opening his sandwich and letting out the type of howl you only hear from animals and exclaiming ‘Yes, oh yes, they got the mustard boy!’” Platteville police Detective Benson said.

Over the next couple hours Gumb’s movements remain mostly unknown. However, many speculate that during this time he met several new friends, enjoyed the half of his sub that did not end up on Main Street and made it to the bushes three houses down from his. It is at this point that Gumb recalls having a moment he can only describe as “lit.”

In his own words, Gumb “was wandering around, just trying to get back to the place he had been when he just lost time, direction and himself.” This statement was followed with him recalling how that felt, “I just wasn’t sure who I was anymore. I’d reached the bottom of my thirty pack and just didn’t know where to go from there.”

Thankfully, he found where to go. Witnesses saw Gumb outside Brothers at 9:30 p.m. Following a rowdy rendition of Journey, Gumb recalls, “opening my eyes and there I was, surrounded by my pals, drink in my hand and I was me again. It was a moment I will never remember to forget.” A moment he will not forget because he documented it heavily on Snapchat and spent $22 on a Brothers crew neck, which he promptly lost in School Girlz mere hours later.