New virus spreads across Pioneer campus

On March 28, students and staff on the University of Wisconsin-Platteville began experiences symptoms of a new virus identified by the Center of Disease Control.

According to the CDC, those who have this new disease may not even realize it. The symptoms make it feel as though you are living life as normal, when in reality you are living a life plagued by disease. The disease is now under control, and no new cases have been reported. The following is a retelling of events that Reno Vegas, an infected student, remembers of how the virus affected her life:

“The day started like any other, I woke up and walked to the bathroom in Dobson Hall. I opened the door and there were about three other girls at the sinks. They were just standing there, putting make-up, but then they started to do this in unison,” Vegas said. “Picking up their cover-up and lipstick all at the same time. Then, as I began to brush my teeth, they busted into song! They were singing a song about putting on make-up and before I knew it, I was singing along with them. I knew all the words and choreography to the song. I thought I was just hallucinating, so I left the bathroom and walked to class.”

Along the way, Vegas noticed groups of people dancing and singing, but once again, didn’t think anything of it. Then, as she walked into my biology class, her professor was writing the agenda on the board and she felt relief.

“I must have been imagining things,” she thought. The rest of the day is going to be normal, but it wasn’t.

After her professor finished writing on the board, he turned around and starting singing a song about dissection.

He was singing “Dissection is an inspection” over and over again and before Vegas knew, the entire class was singing along with him. “As I tried to put my head down and digest the situation, I realized that I was sing along too,“ she recalled.

This was the last aspect of Vegas’ day that she can remember, however, several students who were not affected by this disease recalled seeing Vegas dancing her way across the soccer field during gym class, and singing a song about the pizza she had for lunch.

With that, the CDC has decided to call this musical disease after the university calling it “UW-Platteville the Musical.” UW-Platteville is the only place that this disease has ever been reported.

Even though the disease is now under control, the CDC suggests that if anyone on the UW-Platteville campus is experiencing symptoms of song and dance that they immediately see a media studies student because the only way to cure the disease is to learn about the entertainment industry itself. This helps the body come back to its normal state of mind. However, UW-Platteville has recently cut the media studies program but in light of recent events, has changed its mind. The dean has said that the program will be back fully staffed for the 2017-2018 school year in case of another outbreak of “UW-Platteville the Musical.”