University bans walking


The University of Wisconsin-Platteville has banned all people from walking on campus sidewalks. Students must now use grass to get to classes.

Due to the amount of service vehicles needing to get around on campus, Chancellorette Lance Smithy has said that students cannot use the sidewalks anymore. Only employees of the university will be able to purchase a pass to gain access to all campus sidewalks. Each employee can register as many vehicles as they please.

“The most efficient use of our campus’s sidewalks is letting service cars drive on them. Our university’s service-employees are the backbone of our institution and the most important part of UW-Platteville. Having both students and cars on the sidewalk is getting too hectic, so we have solved the problem,” campus police officer Jon Ticket said.

Starting April 31, service vehicles will be issued driving passes that will allow them to get past constructed check points that will be placed at the beginning of each entrance to sidewalks on campus. These check points will be payed for by raising tuition. Any student found walking on campus sidewalks will be fined upwards from $500.

Platteville employees and students alike have warmed to this idea.

“The kids who go here have always been in the way of my driving. They have made me late on many occasions and have made it hard to drive on walkways, especially when they walk around in groups.” Joe Shmoe, the UW-Platteville electrician, said.

Without using sidewalks, students are still expected to get to classes on time. The grassy areas are the prime choice for anyone trying to get their education.

Many students are especially glad of this new change because it fixes a big safety issue that has been plaguing this campus.

“I’m so glad the faculty finally addressed this issue. Last semester, a van almost ran me over as I made my way to class. Campus sidewalks were obviously made for driving on and now we are all a lot safer,” junior (used-to-be) media studies major Patricia Kramp said.

This change will be good for all and has been in the making ever since the campus painted yellow lines down the middle of the sidewalks. Now we finally see what they are for.