WSUP Found to be U.S. Air Force

Cool cats found to be too cool to be cats


Morgan Fuerstenberg graphic

Earlier this month, an investigative journalist with the coolest student newspaper, the Exponent, went undercover in the coolest student radio station, WSUP 90.5 FM. Within only about 5 minutes, our journalist (codename: ROGER, ROGER) found strong evidence of an undercover U.S. Air Force operation in the basement of Russell Hall.

ROGER, ROGER found that the antenna used to broadcast the radio waves across miles was, in fact, a radio antenna. That was not surprising. Suspiciously, though, ROGER, ROGER found something down in the studio where the antenna connects.

Sun Chips.

“Who even eats Sun Chips?” ROGER, ROGER reported, as it leads to confusion in their weekly log. “Surely, only government agents and middle-school flag football players eat Sun Chips. And since these are young adults who work here, that means they can only be government agents.”

ROGER, ROGER tried to introduce the topic into conversation, but did not receive positive feedback.

“I asked about the Sun Chips, but I was told that ‘they were always there and that we never throw them away.’ I asked if I could eat some and they accused me of being a middle-school flag-football player. Talk about over-playing your hand. I was onto them,” ROGER, ROGER reported.

Interestingly, many of the WSUP students end up serving in the military later in their lives, like Sgt. Warren I. Rack and Lt. Han D. Grenade. ROGER, ROGER speculated that these gentlemen possibly obtained prior service and training under WSUP and that their names were, in fact, pure coincidence.

But the greatest tip-off was their office setup. The office has nine pristine monitors, a luxurious 15 chairs, two tables and a 250 lbs. GBU-39 Small Diameter Bomb fitted for use of the Lockheed Martin F-35 Lightning II (2019 manufacture) and a snack drawer.

Who needs that many chairs? ROGER, ROGER shared that “oftentimes, the WSUP crew would … simply mind their own business and do their own work. It was difficult to pry their military secrets from them.”