No Birds or Planes just Zodiacs


Butternut Squash graphic

Hey everyone! It is your favorite psychic, and I am back to give you the answers you all have been craving since last semester. This is going to be very awesome and cool because in this edition you all will get your own superhero names! Super cool, super accurate, super newspaper.

Aries (March 21-April 19): To be honest, I have been staring at your zodiac sign name and nothing is coming to mind. Superhero name: Blank Slate.

Taurus (April 20-May 20): Oh, look at my baby boy! Hugs and kisses! You seem like you’d be a wonderful person whom I would love to call my child. Superhero name: Mama’s boy. Definitely not about my son.

Gemini (May 21-June 20): Something tells me you are a car person, which is very convenient because our Editor-in-Chief needs an oil change. Superhero name: The Gear Shifter.

Cancer (June 22-July 22): You have frequent panic attacks. I know you do. You and I are the same. Superhero name: Heart Attack.

Leo (July 23-August 22): Leo, Leo, Leo. What am I going to do with you? You bit someone’s head off again (metaphorically). Rawr. Superhero name: The Lion.

Virgo (August 23-September 22): This is very specific. You know who you are. You like to do math in your free time and watch the most bizarre movies. Superhero name: The Breen Machine (look up Neil Breen).

Libra (September 23-October 22): You are a ray of sunshine. A god to walk across this very Earth. Superhero name: Vanessa. This is definitely not about Vanessa.

Scorpio (October 23-November 22): You seem pretty old. Superhero name: The Elder.

Sagittarius (November 23-December 21): I ran out of ideas-I mean, psychic visions again. Superhero name: I got nothing.

Capricorn (December 22-January 20): Corn. Superhero name: Corn.

Aquarius (January 21-February 18): You are giving off the color green. A lover of trees maybe? No. Not maybe, definitely a tree lover. Superhero name: The Tree Hugger.

Pisces (February 19-March 20): It is clear that you are really connected to creating garbage, so it only makes sense that your superpower is being a piece of garbage. Superhero name: Dumpster Fire. This is definitely not about my ex. If you are anyone other than a piece of garbage (my ex) your superhero name is A Wonderful Human Being, unless, of course, you are the Chief Graphics Editor then your superhero name is Beautiful Human Being. Yes, this is a dig at you *l**n.