Love at first swipe

Tinderella Swipe, Gossip Columnist

March 30, 2016

There’s something great about modern day technology where all you have to do is swipe right or left to find your next lover, and let me tell you, I am all for it. Just like anyone else, Tinder came into my life when I was...

Breaking News: Beloved April Brake missing

Cato Tag, Kitty Cat Lover

March 30, 2016

A Platteville-only Amber Alert has been issued following the disappearance of noted atheist-activist April Brake. Brake, a former philosophy major from Faithless, Ill., who settled in Platteville after graduating in 2005, was...

Urban Dictionary in the classroom

Magic Mikayla, Urban Researcher

March 30, 2016

The University of Wisconsin-Platteville no longer recognizes words used in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary. Only words or phrases found in the Urban Dictionary can be used for any and all writing assignments within the universit...

Cellphone causes zombie attack

Michonne Wannabe, Zombie Hunter

March 30, 2016

In the past week, the University of Wisconsin-Platteville has lost hundreds of students in impaling accidents. “We’ve lost count of human losses, and the rest of us are blocked on all walkways by Walkers,” said Liberal...

Wi-Fi no more on campus, thanks Obama

Captain Morgan, Editor-in-Chief

March 30, 2016

Illegally streaming movies in the dorm rooms just got a whole lot harder. Wi-Fi internet is going to be disabled campus-wide due to recent budget cuts. The annual budget plan was announced on March 28 by Chancellor Dennis Shields. “With...

UW System replaces Shields (Antagonist)

Cato Tag, General Reporter

October 29, 2015

In a stunning move, UW System President Ray Cross has announced that he intends to appoint himself chancellor and provost of the University of Wisconsin-Platteville. “All this fussing and fighting has to stop,” Cross stated...

Hungry Games (Antagonist)

Jenny from-DeBlok, General Reporter

October 29, 2015

UW-Platteville will host a “Hunger Games” style competition to determine which majors to cut due to the budget carnage. In efforts to reduce hostility among all departments with staff and students, the university will be...

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