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Squirrels? Pokémon??

Anastasia Beaverhausen graphic

Anastasia Beaverhausen graphic

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A new study done by the Platteville City Council on the squirrels that call the university campus home shows something remarkable. Since the release of Niantic’s game Pokémon Go, the amount of people across the world who play Pokémon Go has gone down significantly. When Niantic first released the game, it was all the rage, with everyone from college kids to high schoolers. Now, the only time anyone plays the game is when they accidently click the app as they are trying to get another app.

“No one really plays the game anymore. Sure, it cured boredom for a week or so, but then it got old. You need so many candies to evolve a Magikarp, and the only Pokémon around here is stupid Rattata,” a disgruntled high schooler Brock said. “Like come on, the fish is so stupid. It really shouldn’t take 400 candies to evolve it into Gyarados. It’s outrageous!”

The study results showed a surprising correlation between the number of Rattatas that spawned in the city limits and the number of squirrels that seem to be in abundance throughout Platteville. Does this mean that the squirrels of Platteville are really Pokémon in hiding or does it simply mean that Platteville is a breeding ground for the rats of the trees?

“I don’t think this data is conclusive and everyone knows Pokémon are based off animals in real life. It doesn’t take a genius to see that,” Leading Pokémon expert Professor Samuel Oak said.

Although the study shows an odd correlation between squirrels and Rattatas, experts like Oak tell us that Pokémon are only slightly based off animals that are found around the world, and they are not real. Fans around the world eagerly downloaded Pokémon Go when it first came out in the summer of 2016. Now, with the summer of 2018 fast approaching, will Pokémon Go come back with new found strength or will it fall to the wayside? Professor Oak commented on the subject saying that it will be “like all things Pokémon related”, and that it’ll stay in the background of everyone’s minds.

*Thank you for reading the Exponent’s “Antagonist” issue. This article is satirical and none of the information in this article should be considered factual.

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